If somebody were to come up to me and ask me whether I can say no to people (yeah, I know, it's just the kind of thing people are likely to come up to me and ask...), my answer (perhaps somewhat ironically) would be no. I just can't do it!
'Laura, could you walk our dog?' 'Of course!' (No, no, no! I am so scared of dogs!), 'Laura, do you like those boots - you could buy them?' 'Oh wow, they are nice!' (No! I really don't like them!), 'Do you like my new heavy metal album, Laura?' 'Yeah, it's good' (Can't stand it!), 'How do you fancy going to this talk?' 'That would be fun.' (I am going to die of boredom...). I could go on...
So yes, OK, a lot of that is just being polite but there are times when saying no would be acceptable yet I don't. To be fair, with age I have become bolder. At least as far as I am concerned, this is a good thing. Whereas before I would umm and err about where to meet a friend, say, ever so worried that they would judge me by my choice, now I have been known to just put it out there that I would like to, if possible, go to X, please. I used to always audition to join the school choir with my friend because I didn't dare say no; I would now probably say that I'm not any good at singing, but thanks for inviting me!
I vividly remember standing in the school toilets, aged 6, as a classmate announced to a group of fellow students how 'Laura will never say no, so if you ever want something, ask her'. I'm pleased to say that none of my six or seven year old peers were rebellious enough to ask/tell me to do anything too bad (I dread to think what could have happened).
I guess it comes from lack of self-confidence, a strong desire to be liked and to fit in but my inability to say no has also helped lead me to the best moment of my life!
***
It was 2010 and Christmas was approaching. Some friends invited me to the university carol service as the end of the first term of my second year drew near. I had a fair amount of work to do, didn't know these friends especially well, was sure (for no actual reason) that there was no God and frankly church was boring. However, I had to go near to the Church in question
at 10pm to hand in some work and coincidentally that was when the service started so really I couldn't decline the invitation, could I?!
To my surprise, I felt a real kind of peace in the service which got me thinking a little. Just a tiny bit. This reminded me of the peace and love I had felt almost radiating from a few Christians I had met earlier that term. But anyway, life carried on. A few weeks later, while talking to a girl who had been at the carol service too, I reached a not-so-unusual what-do-I-say-now moment. 'You go to church, don't you?' poured out of my lips. 'Yes! Do you want to come?' I pause. What do I say? I can't exactly make out I am busy every Sunday now, can I? So 'Yeah, that'd be cool'. Hmm...never mind, there won't be a chance to go until next term now and by then she will have forgotten...yes? Except she didn't. What's more, five or six other people (who hadn't even been present!) didn't either. They all texted me as the new term started, telling me that Ruth had said I might like to go to church. Would I still like to go? Obviously, no wasn't an option. Oh Laura, what have you let yourself into?!
Meanwhile, I was seriously struggling with my coursework for which the deadline was drawing dangerously near. One evening, another girl in college came by to encourage me. We had a lovely chat. So when, a couple of days later, she came knocking on my door inviting me on the alpha course, I had little choice. There was no way I could say no, despite the fact that my thoughts were screaming that this whole thing about going to church did not, I repeat, did not mean I was interested in exploring Christianity, for goodness sake. Dear me.
Then what happened?! Another Christian I knew, Alice, invited me to some talks on 'the truth that sets you free'. You know the drill, I couldn't say no. This led to her inviting me to read the Bible with her each week. Needless to say, I didn't decline. And then, oh, guess what?! There is a follow up introduction to Christianity course running. Alice invited me to that too. She was being so nice to me...it would be rude to say no...
So now I was going to church, going on the alpha course, going on this other course, reading the Bible with Alice and oh, what's that Katie? Would I like to read the Bible with you? OK, make that reading the Bible with two different friends. It was sort of hard to not do some serious thinking about the gospel. All this historical evidence, all these accounts in the Bible and the use of women and outcasts in the stories mean they are unlikely to be made up. Old Testament prophecies coming true in the New Testament, the evidence of the Holy Spirit acting in people's lives. All these miracles. Oh and why would then disciples die for Jesus if they didn't truly believe in Him? I particularly liked finding out about the lawyer who had tried to disprove the resurrection and had ended up coming to faith! The Bible told me that Jesus was giving me the chance to be born again in the Spirit, to be saved, to have eternal life with God.
I wasn't going to say no.
So then it happened; I became a Christian :D
