A beautiful city

I am so thankful for the beauty that is around me. The moment I first set foot in Cambridge, I fell in love with the beauty of it. I can be quick to take it for granted, and sometimes it takes a trip away to appreciate the prettiness again, but it is stunning! Here are some recent photos (sadly not brilliant quality) that for me begin to sum up the joy of living here.

Friends

Today I am thankful for good friends.

I was very anxious last night. I sent a few emails explaining different aspects of my anxiety to different friends, asking them for help. Not only did they give help, but the wise words they emailed were, in several cases, sent after midnight. That is the last time I can imagine people wanting to have to think and decipher what I am saying! That is when people want to be winding down or, better still, sleeping.

 My worries are rarely straightforward but, rather, involve many 'if's and 'but's. The patience these friends displayed in taking time to work out from my (in at least some cases) nearly incomprehensible ramble, what it was that was bothering me, is testimony to God's presence in them. Being my friend cannot be easy. I'm not being hard on myself there; it is definitely true. I worry too much and those close to me will inevitably get sucked into the stress. Last night certainly wasn't a one-off experience.

I am ashamed to say that I can think of a number of times where someone has confided in me and asked for reassurance over something and I have been less than helpful. I remember getting very irritable with a friend for asking me several times about an issue she was struggling with. It is so easy to send someone away, give empty words of reassurance or lose your temper with them. Almost too easy.

I pray that God would help me become more patient and willing to engage in other people's lives like they were my own, caring and loving them as myself. I also thank God for such patient, helpful, loving friends. The more I think about it, the more grateful I feel! Praise the Lord. I really am so fortunate.

Little friends

Today I am thankful for Lydia (who is just under 2). I love her so much and she tells me often that she loves me and that we are friends. Despite being so little, she has a huge vocabulary and is very chatty. Here are some of today's gems.

Before eating her lunch (which, to be fair, did consist of olives), 'Thank you God for olives. Thank you God for sandwiches and olives. Thank you God for Laura and Rara (that's what she calls herself) and olives. Thank you for Mummy. And Mummy and olives....' I think she might like olives... I like that her prayers are so full of thanks - definitely an appropriate model for me to learn from!

Then, whilst eating lunch, she turned to me, 'What's wrong with you Laura?' (I was innocently sitting there - there were definitely no problems!).

A little later we were reading a book. There was a drawing of three cats looking sad because they had lost their mittens. 'They should just cuddle each other and then they'd be happy.' What a problem solver she is!

A little further on in the book, the illustration featured some hills, one of which had been coloured pink. 'It's meant to be grassy!' So clever!

And possibly my favourite quote of all, when praying before dinner, 'Thank you God for the trees blowing in the wind near the park...'. The prayer went on for quite a long time but I don't really know what else she said. She totally has a point that the trees blowing in the wind near the park were lovely and like James 1:17 says, that beauty and goodness is from God. I should be more thankful for such things myself. But given that we hadn't even talked about the trees, I found this a particularly amusing prayer!

James 1:17

'Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.' (James 1:17)

Over the last few days, God has done some amazing things in my life.

Why did you wait till now God? Why did you not give me these signs before? These were just some of my initial reactions. Don't get me wrong, I was very pleased and happy with what God had done - I  even decided to blog about it. But a big part of me was treating this week as a sort of one off where God had decided to show me his love for me while the rest of the time he doesn't really care. But that is a load of rubbish.

I struggle to keep on top of everything going on in my life, let alone what is happening in the lives of people around me. God, however, knows every single person who ever has been and ever will be. Not only that, but he made them! And loves them. I can't even begin to describe how incredible he is.

He loves me so much that he sent his son to die for me! He has made me a place in eternity. And it's not because of anything I have done. I pushed God away as I grew up, wrote him off as ridiculous, an imaginary friend for the less intelligent even. I was a pretty horrible person. And yet, God still made himself known to me. And extended his offer of salvation to me. Amazing grace.

I could go on for a long time talking about various aspects of God's goodness, but even that wouldn't even touch the surface. My point, however, is that I couldn't be much further from the truth if I said that God is giving me a 'one week only' display of love and goodness. 

Far too often I take God for granted, take credit for the good things, focus on the negatives, concentrate on praying for things to happen and don't stop to praise God for all (or indeed anything) he has done for me. But I would like to change that. First stop, I shall pray God would help me give thanks more, but secondly, I'm going to try to regularly post here about some of the good things that bring glory to God's almighty name. And there will be many.

Lord please forgive me 

for the unspeakable things I've done 

How grateful I should be

that you have sent your son

To save me from the pains of hell

and wash away my sin

Oh Lord you have made all things well

Where oh where do I begin?

The beauty of the flowers,

The cooing of the birds,

The wind, the rain, the showers,

I just don't have the words!

Sunsets over the vast blue sea,

The great night's sky above,

The spring blossom of a cherry tree,

The peaceful flight of a dove.

Oh Lord, my God, my father,

Creator of all this good,

I loved you not first but rather,

Long after I should,

What a sinner I am,

Yet how gracious you have been,

Almighty God, the lion and lamb,

Without you, I'd be so unclean.

If somebody were to come up to me and ask me whether I can say no to people (yeah, I know, it's just the kind of thing people are likely to come up to me and ask...), my answer (perhaps somewhat ironically) would be no. I just can't do it!

'Laura, could you walk our dog?' 'Of course!' (No, no, no! I am so scared of dogs!), 'Laura, do you like those boots - you could buy them?' 'Oh wow, they are nice!' (No! I really don't like them!), 'Do you like my new heavy metal album, Laura?' 'Yeah, it's good' (Can't stand it!), 'How do you fancy going to this talk?' 'That would be fun.' (I am going to die of boredom...). I could go on...

So yes, OK, a lot of that is just being polite but there are times when saying no would be acceptable yet I don't. To be fair, with age I have become bolder. At least as far as I am concerned, this is a good thing. Whereas before I would umm and err about where to meet a friend, say, ever so worried that they would judge me by my choice, now I have been known to just put it out there that I would like to, if possible, go to X, please. I used to always audition to join the school choir with my friend because I didn't dare say no; I would now probably say that I'm not any good at singing, but thanks for inviting me!

I vividly remember standing in the school toilets, aged 6, as a classmate announced to a group of fellow students how 'Laura will never say no, so if you ever want something, ask her'. I'm pleased to say that none of my six or seven year old peers were rebellious enough to ask/tell me to do anything too bad (I dread to think what could have happened).

I guess it comes from lack of self-confidence, a strong desire to be liked and to fit in but my inability to say no has also helped lead me to the best moment of my life!

***

It was 2010 and Christmas was approaching. Some friends invited me to the university carol service as the end of the first term of my second year drew near. I had a fair amount of work to do, didn't know these friends especially well, was sure (for no actual reason) that there was no God and frankly church was boring. However, I had to go near to the Church in question at 10pm to hand in some work and coincidentally that was when the service started so really I couldn't decline the invitation, could I?!

To my surprise, I felt a real kind of peace in the service which got me thinking a little. Just a tiny bit. This reminded me of the peace and love I had felt almost radiating from a few Christians I had met earlier that term. But anyway, life carried on. A few weeks later, while talking to a girl who had been at the carol service too, I reached a not-so-unusual what-do-I-say-now moment. 'You go to church, don't you?' poured out of my lips. 'Yes! Do you want to come?' I pause. What do I say? I can't exactly make out I am busy every Sunday now, can I? So 'Yeah, that'd be cool'. Hmm...never mind, there won't be a chance to go until next term now and by then she will have forgotten...yes? Except she didn't. What's more, five or six other people (who hadn't even been present!) didn't either. They all texted me as the new term started, telling me that Ruth had said I might like to go to church. Would I still like to go? Obviously, no wasn't an option. Oh Laura, what have you let yourself into?!

Meanwhile, I was seriously struggling with my coursework for which the deadline was drawing dangerously near. One evening, another girl in college came by to encourage me. We had a lovely chat. So when, a couple of days later, she came knocking on my door inviting me on the alpha course, I had little choice. There was no way I could say no, despite the fact that my thoughts were screaming that this whole thing about going to church did not, I repeat, did not mean I was interested in exploring Christianity, for goodness sake. Dear me.

Then what happened?! Another Christian I knew, Alice, invited me to some talks on 'the truth that sets you free'. You know the drill, I couldn't say no. This led to her inviting me to read the Bible with her each week. Needless to say, I didn't decline. And then, oh, guess what?! There is a follow up introduction to Christianity course running. Alice invited me to that too. She was being so nice to me...it would be rude to say no...

So now I was going to church, going on the alpha course, going on this other course, reading the Bible with Alice and oh, what's that Katie? Would I like to read the Bible with you? OK, make that reading the Bible with two different friends. It was sort of hard to not do some serious thinking about the gospel. All this historical evidence, all these accounts in the Bible and the use of women and outcasts in the stories mean they are unlikely to be made up. Old Testament prophecies coming true in the New Testament, the evidence of the Holy Spirit acting in people's lives. All these miracles. Oh and why would then disciples die for Jesus if they didn't truly believe in Him? I particularly liked finding out about the lawyer who had tried to disprove the resurrection and had ended up coming to faith! The Bible told me that Jesus was giving me the chance to be born again in the Spirit, to be saved, to have eternal life with God. 

I wasn't going to say no.

So then it happened; I became a Christian :D